This guy knows how to get to third base. Do you? Photo: SD Dirk/Flickr

Q: I am always showing love and affection to my girl friend and she loves that I touch her and want to go down on her. But she doesn't touch me or go down on me nearly as often. Without asking for the same sort of attention, what can I do to increase her attention giving?

A: I'm sorry, but isn't the same behavior in women - expecting our men to just read our moods and minds - the very thing that drives men insane? So why on Earth would the role reversal increase your chances of success?

Look, it's great you're a... giving... boyfriend. It's a rarity, and you should by no means alter that course of action. But continually going down on your girlfriend will not make her wake up and smell your sex drive. And the longer you keep putting out without saying anything, the more she's going to think it's okay that she's having all the fun.

It's a hard truth for men and women, but many women just don't like giving blow jobs (as I'm sure many men don't like the analagous action). It's not always pleasant, and men aren't always well-kempt, obviously not having read my thoughts on manscaping. But seeing as I don't know you, I'm not going to add insult to injury and assume that that's your problem, so let's just suppose she thinks going downtown is icky in general.

Unfortunately the correct response to her aversion is, "Too damn bad." Barring some horrible experience that leaves PTSD scars or some really heinous dental braces that will leave you scarred, there is no justifiable reason to be that selfish. From what I hear, a BJ is supposedly one of the best male experiences in the known universe. You're missing out, and it's just not fair. 

But if you keep your lips zipped (out of the bedroom, naturally), you're as much to blame as she is. Sure, she might guess that you'd find some servicing rather nice from time to time, but she definitely isn't aware that it's bothing you this much. Ever heard the advice that good relationships need open communication? Of course you have. You're a member of the human race and have access to the internet. I suggest you take that advice as soon as possible. You want a blow job? Say so. Because hopes and dreams aren't going to make it happen.

I'm not saying to demand said blow jobs - that would just make you a dick. Have a quiet, understanding conversation with your girlfriend to discover the source of her frostiness. And do not, under any circumstances throw your more giving between-the-sheets actions in her face. That will likely make her feel guilty and defensive, and see how much she warms up to the fellatio idea then. 

Finally, don't expect things to change right away after the talk. There's a chance she's just inexperienced and will need to build up her confidence, so be patient and encouraging. 

Oh, and one more pointer. Don't ever, ever, EVER push her head down. Not if you value that thing she's about to put between all those pearly whites.