When creeping, just keep it on the down-low
1/24/2013 8:03:00 AM
You may think you look like this when you're checking us out... but you probably don't.
Q: At what point does checking out a woman become creepy?
A: That depends, are you using a pair of binoculars? Looking into a private home? Are you Superman and using your X-ray vision? Because all of those things are bad.
Unfortunately, this is a very touchy, case-by-case problem. It requires constant information monitoring and analysis, which can be understandably difficult if the only thing your brain seems to be registering is, "Boobs!" But I'll try to set a few basic guidelines.
If a girl is not looking at you and you're not with your significant other, ogle away. She won't be the wiser and the bros you're with are probably doing the same. If the girls turns and notices, don't look away immediately in embarrassment - you're not in the fourth grade anymore. Just give her a small, warm smile and turn back to whatever conversation you were pretending to have while you were secretly thinking about wearing her undies as a hat. That way, it's a non-verbal, closed-ended compliment and a bit of an ego boost. If she smiles back it might be okay to go for a second check-out later on, but if she scowls, mouths curse words at you or throws up gang signs, keep your eyes off her like she's Medusa the Gorgon.
I shouldn't have to tell you this, but if you're having a conversation with the girl, keep your eyes above the neck. Actually, I'm going to make it even simpler: Keep your eyes on her eyes. You should know better than to stare at her chest, but even straying to the hair or mouth can be bad. You're not a magpie distracted by shiny, pretty things, and she'll know you're not listening if your eyes are roving all over her face.
If a girl is wearing one of those obnoxious "I'm up here" T-shirts feel free to get lost in her boobs like a deer in headlights. Those are the dumbest shirts on the planet and the girl already knows what you're thinking anyway. Just tell her you didn't want to prove her postulations about the male sex wrong. Chances are she doesn't know what "postulations" means and the T-shirt is her best attempt at wit.
Finally, if you are Michael Fassbender, Ryan Gosling or Taye Diggs, none of these rules apply to you. Feel free to stare until you go blind or the subject inevitably jumps you.