Rock On with All New Components
2/27/2013 1:54:00 PM
I fully intend to live forever. The old saying “It’s better to burn out than to fade away”, yeah, only if you can do a real slow burn, say, for a thousand years. I fully intend to be that crotchety old man sitting on a front porch, probably connected to some damn machine keeping my organs alive, with my seriously old Gibson Flying V sitting by side, while talking to the local news reporter chic on what is like to be 215 years old and yet another year as the oldest living human being.
“He lived before the Internet, back when cars still burned fossil fuels.” The cool news intro tape will declare before my yearly prime time interview. “He made his living talking over the air waves through devices called radios, similar to our media watches today, although much larger. Thanks to some smart investments in Apple Computers, Guinness, and Natural Gas, he’s not hurting for cash. He’s been playing guitar for over 206 years and says he still has a lot to learn. He’s a long haired, Harley riding, rock and roll freak who just happens to be the oldest living human being on Earth.. Mr. Patrick Capone”.
(insert awkward applause as camera pans over to the machine keeping my organs alive)
Yeah, I want to be that guy.
You’ve probably heard the myth about rock stars tending to die at the magical age of 27. Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse all did, but of course that’s just a very odd coincidence. The actual average age of death for rock stars is much older.
Researchers from Liverpool John Moores University and Britain's Health Department studied 1,489 rock, pop, punk, R&B, rap, electronica and New Age stars that became famous between the years of 1956 and 2006. We are talking about acts like Elvis, all the way to Arctic Monkeys and Muse. What they found out was that the average age of death was 45.2 years for North American stars and 39.6 for European ones.
45.2?! Sweet, I’m already ahead of the game. Or wait.. does this mean I’m due? Crap.
Personally, while I’m more than willing to start buying artificial plastic machines that will clean and pump my blood for the next 2 centuries, I think the real secret to staying healthy and living a good life is all in the attitude.. and by attitude I mean a cool ass rock attitude.
"It keeps you fit - the alcohol, nasty women, sweat on stage, bad food - it's all very good for you." - Bon Scott, Died: February 19, 1980.
Ok, maybe the excessive drugs and unprotected sex is a bad idea.
But there has to be something about rock music that keeps us young. We have all seen it, it’s true, or how else can you explain Keith Richards?
Perhaps it is as simple as pure tenacity, the mind set of not letting anyone or anything tell us differently. Yeah, I like that. F the man! Live forever! Die in Debt! Grow your Hair! Rock and Roll Forever, and ever, and ever, and ever…
"If you live to the age of 100 you have it made because very few people die past the age of 100." - George Burns
My battle plan is this: Be happy. Keep friends and family close. Help when you can. Always learn. Put some wind in your hair. and never ever stop rocking!
I fully plan on being around for the next millennium; you’re more than welcome to join me for the party.