The Internet is abuzz with speculation that when President Bush was in Albania he had his Timex watch stolen right off his wrist......But Bush says he got the last laugh because the watch was on U.S. time.

After meeting with Fidel Castro, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said that the Cuban leader -quote -"hasn't lost his fastball.".....Which is high praise, coming from a screwball.

One day after quitting the Republican party, New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg announced that he is "not a candidate.".....Letís see now: Not a Republican. And not a candidate. That would make him Dennis Kucinich.

A web video by the "Army of Islam" shows kidnapped BBC journalist Alan Johnston wearing an explosive belt and warning that his captors will detonate the bomb if an attempt is made to free him by force.....And today Katie Couric's bosses at CBS said, "Heh, why didn't we think of that?"

The Vatican handed down its "Ten Commandments for Motorists./;.....And you can tell the Pope is German because one of the commandments is "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Mercedes."

The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles has been ordered to pay a record $660 million to more than 500 alleged victims of sexual abuse.....In a related story, there will be a second collection at Sunday's Mass.

Former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss is planning on opening a legal brothel for women in Nevada. But in the meantime, she's opening a laundromat in a "strip mall".....I guess that makes sense, I mean, who knows more about getting stains out than Heidi?

The wife of Criss Angel is accusing the magician of "mental cruelty" and "abandonment" after Angel allegedly dumped her for actress Cameron Diaz.....Mental cruelty and abandonment? I'd be more upset about being sawed in half every night.

Belated birthday wishes to Lindsay Lohan who turned 21 earlier this month.....That's how you know you've made it in Hollywood. When you turn 21 in rehab.

They held a concert in memory of Princess Diana at London's Wembley Stadium on Sunday.....Elton John started the festivities with "Candle in the Wind." And ended it with "Candelabra in George Michael."

A North Miami Beach math teacher has been arrested after showing a 17-year-old female student a picture of his genitalia from his cell phone. The teacher then told the student that the penis pictured was indeed his.....And the student told the teacher, "It's amazing how small and cheap those things are getting."

Speaking of sausage, sausage maker and restaurant founder Bob Evans passed away "down on the farm" recently.....Bob Evans' first restaurant started with just 12 stools - just like a Continental Airlines flight.

A golfer in Venice, Florida looking for a lost ball nearly lost his arm when an 11-foot alligator grabbed him and yanked him into a pond..... Authorities aren't sure what caused the gator to strike. But said wearing alligator golf shoes is probably not a good idea.

According to USA TODAY, Mexico is trying to upgrade its national basketball team to qualify for the 2008 Olympics in Beijing.....The biggest problem for the Mexicans, besides their size, is that players keep running onto the court without first checking in at the scorer's table.

And finally, and not a moment too soon.....

Bao Xishun, the world's tallest man, a 7-foot-9 herdsman married Xia Shujian, a woman half his age and two-thirds his height in Inner Mongolia last week.....They say he's nuts over the girl!


Gino@wlup.com